13 Ekim 2016 Perşembe

A Practical Guide to A Perfect Loser

Let's get that straight...
You are sick and tired of the people who tell your life is miserable and you must do something about it. This article is an answer to your prayers, so sit back and enjoy!
Please keep on breathing regularly when you are reading between the lines.

We are all alike when you get down to it...
What makes you a primus inter pares could possibly be that you have the guts to admit this. It may look hard to accept but it sure is easier to swallow. Think it like a pill you have to take when you are feeling blue. A blue pill, if you like, that will enhance your quality of life.
(And NO! I am not talking about that blue pill you have on your mind! It would surely ENHANCE your something but it is not what you are supposed to focus right now.. Not yet anyway)
Cool down, take it easy. I am not going to judge or blame you whatsoever. Everybody can make mistakes and your parents are no exception to the rule. (Now you are getting an idea as to whom you should put the blame when things go wrong with you and mostly go wrong because of you.)
Gee, one cannot help thinking how the world would look better if your parents opted for something else that particular night.
Going to movies could be a good idea to start with. A few drinks with a nice conversation preceding to a good night's sleep. Yes, yes I know it is too late by now. This is not our topic for the meantime, let's not wander off the main issue here.
(Thank you for still being with me. Down the line you go. No, I mean literally, just keep on reading below)
Once you comfort yourself with the undeniable fact that your life is a big mistake and you cannot be held responsible for it, the life will immediately start to take a better shape.
(Hey, no need to thank me for telling you this. Credits go to your common sense. A simple applause would be nice though, please spare me some.)
There follow the questions:
NOW what? How am I supposed to move on?

Especially with so many smart-ass, nosy, born-to-be-winner people around preaching out?
Some may even question how come you have ever survived this far. Please advise them to read the Bible (John - 9 : 1-3)
What? You don't read the Bible?
But you are reading "my words" instead?

Thank you, I am flattered by your confidence but please don't you ever tell this aloud to your friends or anyone else for that matter.
That part of the Bible is about Jesus Christ and his disciples running into a blind man on the way. Upon the question of the followers, Jesus Christ explains WHY the man is blind and HOW this is not his fault. Then HE makes the blind man see.
(Just between you and me, making a blind man see has a certain cost that could make your way up to Golgotha. I certainly do not want to be crucified, you see. Do you see really? Good...)
You may still advise to read the same part of the Bible as above to those who happen to yell at you "Get a life!" or "Get a job!"
People who normally tend not to take you seriously will tend equally to step back when some words from a higher authority are spread upon them.
(Hey, hopefully you are now getting to realize how useful it could be to read the Bible. This is something your local preacher already knows but hardly reveals.)
Cardinal rule: You should bear in mind that they too are big-time losers except either have they not realized it yet, or do they not have courage to admit it to themselves.
Just look at their faces and you will notice their fears and ignorance. You can almost smell it from ten yards away.
If you deem it awfully necessary, you can make them face their inner fears even with the power of mere words. It really hurts, believe me. I personally do not recommend it but if you really need to know HOW....
Da daaah...
Well I'm not going to tell you.
(I have been reading On Writing by Stephen King lately and I would like to believe he'd be proud of me as a keen reader of his since I could manage to keep the readers in suspense, at least for a while, with his tactics and advices.)
All right, let us turn back to the most important question:
How to live with the knowledge that you will never make it to the top?

Time is closing in and my place is limited, so instead of turning around the corners I am giving you the correct answer right away:
Keep on breathing, my friends, keep on breathing...
        ... as long as you can...


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